Thursday, April 26, 2012

In Which Sven Meets His First Cousin

Once upon a time, in the fairly distant past, a little boy accompanied his mother to the local cemetery. They paused before his grandfather’s grave, as they usually did on All Saints Day, to offer their respects. The little boy, who had recently learned to read Swedish, happened to notice that his grandfather had died two years before his mother’s birth, according to the grave marker.

“How can that be?” he asked. “It says Grandfather died before you were born.”

The mother broke into tears. “Don’t ever ask me that question again,” she said.

The little boy screwed up his mouth and never did.

His younger brother, however, had never made such a promise and, once adult, decided to investigate. When he returned to Varmland from his home in Lidingo, outside Stockholm, it was easy to ask old aunties for details. They told him that there had been rumors, and most people believed the father of Maria’s fourth child, Anna, was the town merchant, whose name was Bresky. Why? The Bresky family celebrated Jewish holidays and always invited Anna to join them. Maria had been a widow at the time. What’s more, Anna’s dark good looks hinted at a genealogical chart that included more exotic branches than just Hakkarinens, recent immigrants from Finland.

By now you have probably figured out the little boy was Sven. Even as an adult, he felt an obligation to keep his promise. When I asked about Anna’s family, Sven told me his brother had always wondered whether they might be related to Tomas Bresky, a famous Swedish journalist, but that no, they had never gotten in touch, and perhaps there was nothing to the rumors.

Since Sven isn’t like anyone I have met in his family, I figured he must have inherited from his mother’s father side and wanted to know more. I Googled Tomas Bresky and up popped a photo. Tomas looks very much like Sven’s brother, who died in 2000 from pancreatic cancer, so much so that there was no doubt in my mind. Here was Sven’s long-lost cousin!

I pestered my husband until he made contact. Anna had told him an unusual story about Tomas’s uncle that Sven shared with the retired journalist when they met in Sweden last summer. But, Sven did not manage to say that he thought they were related, still feeling reluctant to break his promise and reveal Anna’s secret. Tomas was curious to know how Sven could possibly have heard the unusual family story ...

The impasse did not reach resolution until last week, when Tomas and his wife Gunilla, below, wearing their new Cape Cod caps, finally were able to visit. The two men are happy to have found each other, albeit later in life. Tomas tells us Sven resembles their grandfather. What’s more, Tomas’s father was also named Sven. How touching that Anna would have named her first-born after a man who was, in fact, her secret younger half-brother!

Comments (17)

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What a fascinating story. Funny how these once-toxic family secrets lose their shame when they become known to younger generations. -- Ruth, a one-quarter Chickasaw Indian whose father never wanted to talk about the whole Indian business
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Wow, great story. Was it the shame of a child out of wedlock or the fact that the father was Jewish that made this such a family secret? Or probably both. I am glad they reconnected. It would have been such a lost opportunity.
2 replies · active 673 weeks ago
I think it was the fact that the father was married to someone else.
Ah, yes, that also. A triple whammy!
What a nice ending to a complicated story!
What a beautiful story! Thanks for sharing~
Love these sorts of family-secret stories - especially when they have a happy ending. Glad they found each other.
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Living Large · 673 weeks ago

Very nice story. I'm glad Sven connected with his first cousin. My father's family part Native American, never discussed their heritage either and it wasn't that my father didn't want to talk about it, he just didn't know much. He died when I was 17, so I lost connection with most of his family. Now that we're in Arkansaas, where my grandparents lived, I hope to reconnect with 1st cousins I've never met soon (my dad was the youngest of 13).
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I find these things fascinating. It must be so interesting for Sven to meet relatives who look like him and have so much in common.
In your spare time have you discovered Ancestry.com yet? I just signed up and find it very interesting. This story makes me think it would be fun for yopu to go exploring your family tree and see who else you find!
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Family history can be so interesting. Glad your husband finally caught up with his cousin and learned all about their past.
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Wow. What a story. I remember as a teenager seeing photos of my mom's wedding to my dad, and it finally dawned on me that my BROTHER (a toddler at the time) was in the pictures. I'd seen them many times before when I was younger, but it never clicked what that meant until I was older.
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I like this story, especially since it's true. I'm glad such family mysteries don't have to remain deep, dark secrets any more. Handsome cousins! Wish I knew my half-sisters and half-brothers from my father's first family, but he died when I was a toddler, and the families didn't keep in touch. Maybe I'll look them up...
Wow, what a neat story. Family history can be so interesting, especially when it has lost its sting with time.
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I am sure Tomas and Sven have had many good stories to share with each other.
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What an amazing story!!!!!!! This is what I'm talking about- family history- how wonderful to see the two cousins meeting and connecting!!!!
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That is an amazing story. I'm so glad you were all able to get together. I needed a happy story like this today.

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