Thursday, July 28, 2011

Does Age Matter for Innkeepers?

Yesterday a reader asked, in the comments, whether Sven and I get out, in high season, to all the great events going on about town. The answer to that question is no. Generally, at the end of the day, we are too exhausted to trip-the-light-fantastic, let alone watch television. There’s a fantasy that innkeeping is a great pastime for people taking early retirement, and I would like to debunk that right away. Innkeeping can be strenuous work. Yes, it’s possible to hire helpers, but they must be found, paid, and accommodated if in summer. Yes, you can set a late-arrival fee for guests who show up after regular hours, but someone has to stay up and wait for them, missing out on sleep. I often wish I had the energy of a forty-year old, that I had started in business when I was younger. (Check out this photo of us with my brother, in Amherst, over 20 years ago.)

Sven is 73. I’m 64. As much as we do not like to admit it, we are feeling our age. All this talk about Social Security and extending the age for Medicare benefits has got me thinking about getting older. How long do we want to work? Should we retire? If we retire, who will take over this profitable business we have created?

I can remember listening to the Beatles song about being 64 and thinking how ancient 64 was. Being 64 seemed so far away back then. Age creeps up on you. It’s the small things: the sagging skin under the arm, a change in the texture of that skin – cross-hatching and puckers. That first senior moment when you cannot remember something that should be obvious. Failing eyes, failing ears. You look through the New York Times and everyone in the ads looks so much younger. Suddenly you’re reading obits of people your age. Friends have started dying. That’s when it really hits home. You’re next, you’re not young anymore. It’s a sad thing but it happens to everyone.

Here's a photo of us, taken three years ago by a guest. Recently I've noticed Sven is not as patient as he used to be. When he wants something, he needs it immediately. I took care of my elderly dad and recognize this behavior as part of getting old.

Modern culture tells us youth is everything. I don’t agree. But aging is no fun.

Sven went swimming in Dyer Pond yesterday. It’s the first time he has been in months. He used to swim in the ocean, but no more. He used to go biking, but no more. Biking requires quick reflexes, a sense of balance, skills older people do not have. He can't climb ladders, which is also due to a loss of sense of balance. I can still do that, but for how long?

So, yes, age matters. Are you getting older? Does it bother you?

Comments (24)

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Oh, a very sad subject. I hate getting older. Yet I love it, too, since it means I am alive. I observe so many older people who are still vital and energetic. And then there are those who are severely limited by their age. A combination of luck, genes and attitude. What choice do we have? There is a choice but it is not an option for me. I intend to keep pushing and trying my best for as long as I can. Maybe it is denial...but if that works, I'll take it.
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NoPotCooking · 714 weeks ago

I think this is a very important and honest post. I think there is a tendency to gloss over all of this with the "70 is the new 50" kind of talk. It is a struggle to deal with a body that doesn't want to do all the things you want it to.
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1 reply · active 714 weeks ago
That's it exactly, NoPotCooking. The body starts lagging behind in what it is capable of ...
I can't imagine the hours of cleaning and cooking that you have to put in to maintain your Inn. I'm sure that was easier too when you were younger. How many hours do you spend just caring for the Inn in high season?
As a 61-year-old, I certainly relate to this post. My mind seems to think that I'm somewhere in my 30's, encouraging me to do too much and go too fast. Then my body says, "wait a minute, you're not that young," as it punishes me for overdoing with aches and pains or exhaustion. My hat is off to you and Sven for innkeeping at your age. It's a tireless, never-ending job. I don't know how you do it.
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Thanks for answering my question from yesterday. I was curious about if you had any pockets of time during the day, perhaps, to get out and enjoy all the local events. This answer tells so much more.

I am starting to "feel my age" in small ways. Going on 2 full years of eldercare x 2, I am grateful for my continued abilities at the same time that I lament things that are harder than they used to be.
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Hello. I dropped in from the Fabulous Geezer Sisters blog. To answer your question, sort of, I live on a boat. Tonight I hauled my toilet cassette the 1/4 mile to the dumping point. I'd pushed things a bit and it was a weeks' waste (minus whatever I had managed out and about). You would be amazed how heavy is the waste one body makes in a week. I stopped every 25 yards or so and rested and I thought: it's okay to stop and rest. I'm pushing sixty. So, yes, age matters. It bothers me, of course. But I am beginning to learn that it is okay to accept my limits.

Ps If that is Sven's underwear he needs to adopt something more glamourous, even at 73! Some nice tartan boxers, maybe?
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2 replies · active 713 weeks ago
Duchess, thanks for the visit. Underwear? Which photo are you referring to? Top one, he's wearing bathing trunks. 1/4th mile is impressive. Not sure I could do that once a week!
Duchess, that's a T-shirt. Want me to post a photo of Sven's boxers?
I really appreciate this post for being so honest and straightforward. I'm tired of all the peppy age-is-a-state-of-mind affirmations. And, if 61 is the new 41 -- and it's not -- then somebody forgot to notify my 61-year-old body parts.
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Vera M Badertscher · 713 weeks ago

I'm closer to Sven in age, and yes, age matters. (Doesn't matter if you don't mind, some say). I think of aging as a continual process of letting go (or losing) things from your life. The world, in a sense grows smaller. But I still rage, rage against the night--kick up my heels--and a few more cliches. (I've linked on Comment Luv to a review of a book that deals with aging among other things.)
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You are such a beautiful couple that you make aging look like fun! Sagging skin and all. It sounds hard, and I appreciate your honesty, but you are both aging so gracefully. I aspire to be like you as I get older.
1 reply · active less than 1 minute ago
Gee, thanks, Jennifer!
Yes, I'm getting older and yes, it bothers me. I will be 60 next year. I find nothing to celebrate about it. I'm watching my mother in law (83) age (complete with falls and other complications), and on the 4th of July a wonderful next door neighbor died from - well, old age. My husband has a physical job and he is especially feeling it. What happens if we can't retire when our bodies have had enough? Thank you for your honesty. it is almost "politically incorrect" to say what you've said, but it is all true.
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1 reply · active less than 1 minute ago
Thanks, Alana. Sven has a message for you: I used to live in Kiruna, a mining town in the north of Sweden. People retired at 65. They died at 66 or 67. That was the reality. They were worn out. I hoped for a better world.
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Living Large · 713 weeks ago

I'm still in my 40s and my husband just turned 50. We are beginning to start to see subtle changes and having small health problems associated with aging. My mother always used to say that when she got older, she would pass by the mirror and wonder, "Who is that old lady!?" She said inside, she was still a 20 year old, but like Sven, her balance and then other things told her other wise.
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alisa bowman · 713 weeks ago

I think it probably depends on how you feel as you age. If you are healthy w no aches and pains and health issues, then not a biggie. But if everything hurts and your mind and body aren't cooperating, it's frustrating.
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Alexandra,
you know I'll have a few songs to contribute to this conversation, don't you? Back When We Were Beautiful by Matraca Berg and When You Are Old from Gretchen Peters on the more serious side, and When We Go Silver from Carrie Newcomer for a laugh or two.

for myself, figure it is best for me to keep a hopeful outlook through the sometimes scary and disconcerting changes growing older brings along. not always easy but better than the alternative. finding ways to value the things I've learned, and ways to pass these along, helps with that, as I expect it may for you as well. this was acutally a very good thing for me to think about today, so thanks for this post.
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I think innkeeping would be a tough business no matter how old or young you are. A fabulous 70-year-old woman in my yoga class advises us to "fight aging! fight it with every cell in your body!" She said this after I'd commented that I've been accommodating my aging body more and more. I'm not sure what the answer is. Fight it when you've got the energy and rest when you need to gather strength to fight it? I dunno. Fighting seems like it would take a lot of energy that might best be conserved for other tasks! Oh, and we do have a 90-year-old in our yoga class, and I do know lots of 80- and 90-yo's who are still going strong. That gives me hope.
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I love the photo of you and Sven...this was a touching post.
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A thoughtful post; thank you. What an odd idea, that innkeeping, which sounds quite strenuous, would be ideal for early retirement. I had no idea people thought that.
My musings on the topic of growing old are in this post: http://strangereverysunday.blogspot.com/2011/03/g...

I really like the line from the cited article: Old age takes everyone by surprise.

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I'll be 64 in a month, and I'm tired! I get in about 4 good days a week, and try to take it easy the rest.. but Innkeeping is 24/7 sometimes. Thankfully I have some help!
1 reply · active 711 weeks ago
Hi, Mare Smith. Welcome to the community here and thanks for your comment.

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